Technology Failure#2 (Place #5)

It is Saturday, July 30th. It is 2PM. Why the hell am I walking around this green in the middle, yellow around the edges park at 2PM? (I deserve to die from heat stroke or dehydration.) I am walking around this park because I have to--no, not for this class (although that is true) but because I had to get out that house so I could think. He text me last night.

When did my life become so drama filled?

I didn't get the text until this morning because my phone had died the night before. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts because I was hitting up the Farmer's Market. Plus, I was with Bran and Case and they would've been furious.

I needed my park today.

Walking the dusty yellowed trail to my new tree I sit down. I pull out my phone and before I could click on my notebook I am greeted with a sign that says, "15% of your battery remains. Charge Your Battery." Great. Hopefully it'll last until I go home.

I close my eyes and let all of my thoughts flood me. My logic: The faster I acknowledge these thoughts the faster I can push them out of my mind. Tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes. I don't want to cry anymore. I take a deep breath. This isn't working. I need to be able to focus on what is happening around me not what is happening in my head. I take another deep breath and begin to pray silently to myself.

My dear Heavenly Father I am so grateful for this beautiful world that we live in. I am grateful that thou allows me to still see the beauty in the world. I am grateful for the sounds of birds speaking with one another above me. I am grateful that I am in dry heat instead of humid heat. I am grateful for my family and friends. I ask thee to please be with me at this time. I need to be here in the moment. I need to be able to focus. I feel lately that my focus has been pulled in several directions, please help me to have focus. To be centered. Please take Him from my thoughts, or at least help me to do it. I love thee so very much. I am so grateful for thee and thy son. I am grateful for my mother in heaven as well as my mother here on earth. Please bless my friends and family with safety, and tell my family in heaven that I love them all and miss them terribly. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I laid down.

Visions of Him and me whirled around in my mind. The dry grass crunches behind my shoulders and knees. I nestle myself deeper in the grass to get comfortable.

Listen.

The birds overhead are screaming at one another. At least it sounds that way to me when crows open their beaks. I squint open one eye and find the two culprits. A smile takes over my face. Crows are my favorite birds, next to mockingbirds of course. I wonder what they are talking about. Maybe they are fighting over who's tree it is. Laughing I sit up. I scan the park and notice the cement wall that I have walked by so many times. Today is the first time that I notice that it has been white washed. All of the dirty words or images have been covered in white. From a distance (or up close if you are not paying attention) you can't see the words. The bad or ugly has been covered as to not detract from the beauty of it's surroundings.

I close my eyes again and cross my legs, my palms resting on my knees in the stereotypical meditation pose.

Our dear Heavenly Father. Thank You. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

I lie back down in my carved out grass angel bed and stare up at the cloudless sky. My phone beeps, vibrates and turns off.

It's better this way.