Technology Failure (Place #4)

Every week, at least once a week, I come to my park, the place where I go to meditate for this class. It seems ironic then that I would bring my phone. My phone, since AWP, has become my notebook--it helps that it has a notebook ap in it. I take my notes about the sights, sounds, smells--if I remember--but always how I'm feeling. This is great because I then have my notes when I get home, but for some reason it is difficult for me to transfer my information from one technological tool to the other.

For example. Today's date is August 2nd and yet I am writing this blog from my notes that I took on July 11th. I went to the park that day specifically because of the date, 7/11. I am not sure if there are any 7/11's in Pittsburgh, but in Utah they are big. They are big here for one reason, Slurpee's. I HATE SLURPEE'S. I have never liked Slurpee's. They're too sugary, too runny. I would rather have a Hawaiian Ice. And yet, as I'm wandering around my park all I could think was, "God, I wish I had a Slurpee right now." It was so incredibly hot. For some odd reason I thought it wouldn't be as hot at 6 o'clock at night, but I was wrong.

This park has become tainted to me every since I met Him here two weeks ago. I promised myself that I would never talk to him again and I broke my word.

I never break my word.

I snuck out of my house. Can you imagine a 29 year old sneaking out of the house. It wasn't even my parents house. I am staying with my best friend and his boyfriend and yet I knew they would be so angry with me for talking to Him that I snuck out of the house. That should've been my first sign to not do it. My second, should've been the climbing on top of a air conditioning unit to then pull myself up a 6-7 foot wall. I am sure this scenario was hilarious to anyone who was watching it from afar. Luckily, it was at 2 AM and most of Salt Lake City is tucked away in their beds at this time. I met him and we ended up kissing at my tree. The tree where I go to do my meditations.

I walked by that tree today. I couldn't stop.

I picked a new tree.

When we were done "talking" by my tree, I cried a little. I told him that I missed him, but that I still hated him for what he did. I hated that I didn't have my best friend in him anymore. I hated that when I finally will go back to Pittsburgh, I will not have that little piece of Utah with me that he encapsulated. He offered to walk me back to the wall and I told him I was fine.

Going back down the wall was not as easy as climbing up it. If I would've thought about it, it would've been my 3rd sign. I didn't really sleep that night. I kept thinking that we would get a knock on the door from the police because someone had called them believing someone was trying to break in.

I am sitting at my new tree, looking at my old tree. All I can smell is Him. All I can see is Him.

I want my park back.