I was able to venture out from Salt Lake City, UT to Brigham City, UT (a little over an hour drive) Saturday, July 23rd. It was a great experience for me, not only because I was able to finally go to the place in which TTW speaks so eloquently of in her book, Refuge, but also because I was able to share this experience with my brother, Cody. Of everyone in my family, he knows me the best. He is my protector. He might not understand why I am the way I am, but he will always love me.
When Cody and I arrived at the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge at 8:30 AM, we both had the same thought--I can't believe that I've driven past this thousands of times and this is the first time I've stopped.
I was definitely more excited about this adventure than Cody was because I had read, Refuge before, but also because Terry Tempest Williams is my hero. Her writing is incredible and the work that she does is admirable to say the very least. I wish to one day learn at her feet, but for today I will learn from her books and visiting a place that means so much to her. Cody enjoyed the birds, but he enjoyed giving them Disney cartoon character voices more. Which was helpful when our tour guides would talk to the one other guest in our group. He was an avid bird watcher. I guess it made sense to them to talk to him more.
I learned a lot on this trip, but the one thing that stood out to me most was that hunting and fishing is allowed on the refuge. The refuge is run by the U.S Fish and Wildlife Services. Not every bird is allowed to be hunted, only ducks, geese, tundra (whistling) swans and pheasants may be hunted and only in certain areas on the refuge. Fishing is allowed, but only in 3 locations. I am sure there is a "reason" or an explanation as to why they would allow hunting and fishing on a refuge, but I will never understand it. It all seems so counterintuitive to me.
As, I ponder this notion I wonder if this is how my family feels about me and my beliefs/actions. Does my family question why I want to write about how to make the Mormon Church better when I don't even attend church. Every time I bring a man home for them to meet, they question my attraction and affection. The other day I had an extended family member tell me that my actions were killing my mother. I wonder if they see my mother as the refuge and me as the hunter. It's just something that would be better if it wasn't around. I clearly have projection issues.
The refuge's co-mingling with the the hunters and fishermen reminded me of our earth. There is so much beauty around us and some things seem so counterintuitive to maintaining that beauty. In fact, sometimes it is plain destructive.
Perhaps I am the hunter or fisher on the refuge because I am out of place in Utah and its Mormon culture often mistaken as Mormon doctrine--especially by its Utah members. I am an outsider wanting to be inside, but only if the rules change not myself.
"What I do know, however, is that as a Mormon woman of the fifth generation of Latter-day Saints, I must question everything, even if it means losing my faith, even if it means becoming a member of a border tribe among my own people. Tolerating blind obedience in the name of patriotism or religion ultimately takes our lives." Terry Tempest Williams, Refuge
Yes, there's some intriguing tensions and the seed of something larger still unwritten in those.
ReplyDeleteLeslie,
ReplyDeleteAh, I mentioned this a little during workshop, but I wanted to express how cool it was that you were able to go the Bear River Migratory Refuge in lieu of Nine Mile Run. I also wanted to express, if I haven't already, how surprised by I am by the hunting and fishing allowed on site. It makes me wonder if it isn't the only refuge that does this.
It was also nice to have, in what is so often our on contemplations in nature, the extra presence of Cody there with you, portraying both a solid sibling relationship, but with this undercurrent of you, the outsider. I loved the hunter/refuge metaphor/projection and how you brought it from your family back to the refuge. Balance of extremes? Preservation and hunting? Interesting.