When Brandon told me that he was gay I thought my life was over. I loved him. He loved me as well, just not the way that I wanted or needed. I was 18. I didn't handle it very well.
This past week Brandon and I were watching our daily dose of Will and Grace, when, yet again, it was reinforced how much we are like these infamous TV characters. The episode in particular that we watched, ironically, was the episode where Will came out to Grace, and she didn't handle it at all. Fortunately for Brandon and I, there was forgiveness on both of our parts and we have been friends for over 14 years now. Wherever Brandon is, is where I feel my home is.
Actually, wherever Brandon and his fiance Casey are, is where my home is. They are like the happy parents that I never had growing up. My mom and dad divorced when I was two. According to a therapist I saw on TV (it was free leave me alone) the reason none of my relationships have lasted past two years is because of my parents divorce. Because I know that, I should be able to move past it. Brandon and Casey recently celebrated their eight year anniversary. I tell them all of the time that they cannot split up because I would be devastated. It would be a divorce that I would remember.
My mom is my best friend. Brandon is my best friend. I tell each of them things that I would never tell the other person. Wherever my mom is, is where I feel my home is.
My mom raised her six children by herself. She is a saint and did the best she could with what she had and then proceeded to do even more. She has taught me what it means to unconditionally love someone. She has taught me the true meaning of Christ-like love. She has taught me how to love everyone for who they are. She has taught me the true meaning of family. My family is very close.
I have two families. My biological family and my family which is made up of my dear friends.
Luckily, Bran and Case live in Utah, approximately 25 minutes away from my mom. I don't know what I would do if Bran and Case ever moved. Although my mom's house is my touchstone, Case and Bran are my home. They are my guts, they are my insides. Plus, they have a guest bedroom for me to stay in when I am home:)
I have lived in Utah, before I moved to Pittsburgh for grad school, for roughly 22 years. I have grown up with Great Salt Lake to the west of me and fun hikes through the Wasatch Mountains mere minutes to the East of me. Utah's religion/religious culture is a direct result of the geography. When Brigham Young, 2nd prophet of the LDS church said, "This is the place" when gazing down upon the Salt Lake Valley, the Mormons believed that this was the place God had set apart for them. In the King James Version of the Bible in Matthew 5:14-16 it says, "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." If you have ever been to Salt Lake City, or even just Utah in general, you would be amazed by the beauty of the landscapes, but also by how clean the city is. There is a pride in the cleanliness of the city. It is one of the reasons why I love the city. Unfortunately, there is also--at times--an air of holier-than-thou-ness the resides over the city, like the inversion (smog). Although, I believe that the religion teaches to love everyone, I feel that the culture breeds more of keeping those not of the religion to be outsiders. It is very sad and disheartening.
I want to take a look more closely at the geography of Utah and see if there is a way that I can utilize it to help me turn the culture on it's ear. I love Utah, it is my home state. It is what I know. It is home to my homes. It shows love to my mom and otherness to my friends. I need it to love and house them both.
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